Robot Aunty: Welcome to CPWD Complaint Registration Cell.
For residential complaint - press 1.
For office complaint - press 2.
For trying to wake up the sleepy operator - press 3.
For inviting the Junior/Senior Engineer for your son's wedding - press 4.
For anything else, dial The White House.
Me: *beep* 1
Robot Aunty: You have pressed for Residential Complaint.
For civil complaint - press 1.
For electrical complaint - press 2.
For trying to wake up the sleepy operator press ...
Me: *beep* 1
Robot Aunty: Welcome to Civil Complaint Cell of CPWD. Caller kindly note - For complaints related to yellow white-wash yellowing, yellow fan paint fading, white bathroom tiles falling, grey mosaic floor breaking, visible water pipe network leaking, pink plastic hot-water taps melting, WCs tilting and drains blocked since a decade, kindly contact private help. CPWD is not responsible for these in your government accommodation. Kindly note that even if your roof is falling, do not call. Just rest grateful that you have been given an address in New Delhi, and pray. For heavenly elevator music, Press 777. For wishing our Junior/Senior Engineer a happy Diwali, dial their mobile numbers.
Me: *beep* 2
Robot Aunty: Welcome to Electrical Complaint Cell of CPWD. Caller kindly note - For complaints related to nests in meter boxes, disintegrating switchboards, lights which don't turn off, plug-points which don't come on, 100 decibel doorbell getting louder, overhead wires hanging lower, water pump not pumping water and current leak issues, kindly call your family electrician. CPWD knows no difference between red-green-yellow wires, and hence, is not responsible for the aforesaid in your government accommodation. In case of electrocution, open medical manual and rush to nearest government hospital on your panel. For heavenly elevator music, Press 777. For wishing our Junior/Senior Engineer a happy Diwali, dial their mobile numbers.
*beep beep beep*
Me: Hello? Hello?
Robot Aunty: Thank you for trusting CPWD. Your call has been recorded for service quality improvement purposes. Your call lasted 30 minutes and 39 seconds. Caller kindly note - this is no longer a toll free number. Have a good day.
Dialling The White House, now.