Thursday, 9 July 2015

A bit about marriage, because we turn 8 soon


It’s a bronze! (Though a diamond would do just as well.)

Yep! We turn 8 together on July 11th, husband and That-which-he-signed-up-for-sans-a-clue-of-what-comes-next (which is me, for now, till our kid turns a teen). Thank you. Thank you very much for your advanced blessings towards our well-being and togetherness and contentment (whatever that be).

Now, I intend no romantic musings here on this day or any day, especially because my husband has been sitting put rather quietly on the opposite side of the Expressive-Lover spectrum all these years. And hence, no pink hearts will fly out of this tiny piece. In fact, I don’t even know what I am doing here, instead of swiping his credit card to indulge my fantasies in shops selling firangi surplus at the price of airplanes. Or, mollycoddling him into flying me away for a 2nd honeymoon (we’re yet to reach 8 on that front). Or prattling my way on the pillow to convince him how a separate car for the wife keeps the mechanic away. Yes, yes, the materialistic wife you must have read about when marriage gets stereotyped. Of course, I am not the kind, and quite kind in being a ‘low maintenance’ object.

But these stereotypes, I tell you. They spare none, and everyone stands naked at the judgment door of shoe-boxing. As “modernity” would have it, marriage has not been spared.

Over 8 years of compulsorily being tied-up with one man, I’ve been hearing a lot of “truths” about marriage and married couples, especially from those who are happily single and not ready to mingle (smart ones!). And listening to that itemized fact file confuses me. Because, as Fate would have it, I can’t match their list to what my marriage has actually been like. Obviously, it must be all thanks to the dashing, super-intelligent personality that my husband got married to.

But whenever I read marriage defined in self-help bullet points, I do sit and wonder if no two people are alike, can two marriages be the same? Is it so simple to define what ‘Being Married’ means, in order to guide humanity a certain way and down the single cliff facing the sea? Yep! I do believe in marriage, and while I may never start my own match-making site, I leave no stone unturned to guide people towards the trusted ones. (Disclaimer – this is not a sponsored post.)

You shouldn’t get me wrong, not today, please. I don’t undermine people who tried it and took the highway anyway. In fact, a part of me admires them for it. I also don’t mean to naively overlook the not-so-pleasant experiences so many of my friends and family members have been through. But, I do feel afraid that people will believe in the stereotyping enough to never have the cake and eat it too. (I enjoy a sweet tooth.) 

It may seem so, but married couples don’t follow set mundane patterns of love-marriage-kids-charm lost-school-college-kid’s love-kid’s marriage-kid’s kids … you get the drift. They’re not drowning in a river of the mundane, certainly not always. It is what they do and how they do it, together, at each phase of life that brings in the uniqueness of experience. (Of course, the same khichdi may taste different on different days depending on the marital mood and likewise different khichdi may taste the same because he always forgets the salt!) But travelling as a family of three is as fun as partying with your girls sans the men. I know a lot of us who are fortunate to not feel ‘restricted’ in our persons and beings just because we are married, so really don’t believe all marriages are corsets around your chests. In fact, if any husband has a super wife like me, he will vouch for the intoxicated free-spiritedness that can be a part and parcel of many knots, up until the kids come to sleep in between you. (Then, you start resembling each other!)

Another thing. We all begin by cherishing the idea of ‘our space’, and elders believe hostels are to blame for us becoming the ‘private type’. Let me tell you something. That slice of your plot on the moon doesn’t always get annexed by the warfare of marriage (though the wardrobe may, much to the chagrin of a tidy wife). In fact, co-habitation gives a different meaning to the word ‘space’, and one which may allow for enough room to not just ‘be’ but also ‘become’ in another’s company (how beautifully I write).

I had broken up with my husband even before I had said ‘yes!’ to him, because I mistook his idea of ‘space’ for zany nothings. I made up (on Gandhi Jayanti, just a digressive detail) because when I shared my misgivings about us changing with time (okay, typical, I get it) he assured me that we will change; change as we go along, and so will our relationship. ‘Wouldn’t that be such a beauty?’ I never heard such poetics again, but that day it had driven me to foot the bill. And say yes to taking our shared cause to my parents, all alone, terrified, foot-in-mouth, heart on sleeve while all the while mister probationer partied up in the Academy in Mussoorie just because he cleared the darned UPSC! On top of that …

Okay. You’re bored. And a matrimonial site has still not contacted me to sponsor this post. But I must end it with a flourish, nonetheless.

How would I have all this gyan if it wasn’t for him, no? Am I thanking him? Somewhat. But all claps need two hands, and I’m giving him one half of the thank you and retaining the ‘better half’ of it for myself. 

8 years soon. 

On Saturday, we plan to be 2 again. You ask why not one? No. That first year was all about throwing rocks and rolling away. More about it in case he doesn’t get me a big gift. I already have got him a present he can wear all the time. I got it for free, so he really should be happy.


Happy Anniversary to my husband, and obviously a very nice one to me also!

44 comments:

  1. Here's wishing you and Aseem many many more such Happy Eighth Anniversaries in the years, decades and even centuries to come Saks !!!

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  2. Just in case you didn't realize who it was that commented first, it was me, mahabore ;)

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  3. Je Baat!! A brilliant post. Stay together, Stay Happy .And the t shirt that u r planning to gift him shall keep reminding him who the real boss is..that, to my mind is the real happiness mantra.

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    1. That is the real mantra to success. Also, to make sure he irons it and wears it. :P
      Thank you so much, Rajesh.

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  4. Happy 8th and wish you many more number crunching years of togetherness!!

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    1. 'Crunch' is a good word to be using. I wonder how you knew the other word for 'marriage'? :D
      Thanks a lot!

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  5. Much love and lots of wishes for a series of such happy posts on all your anniversaries. Beautiful, positive and real. Like it much.

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    1. Thank you, my darling Kiran.
      Still, adopt me!

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  6. Oh 8 is lucky number so here's hoping you get a good gift! Great tshirt.....

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    1. Thanks. It so happens it's his birthday number, so I guess HE will be the one with all the luck. I'm going to try mine too, though. Why give up. :D
      Thanks, Maddy!

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  7. May you share the same warmth all your life... happy anniversary :)

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  8. Happy Anniversary to both of you, Sakshi! You describe marriage well. Your post makes me think that maybe it isn't all bad after all, and that maybe, I could change my single status. I would never share my wardrobe though! No way!

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    1. It isn't bad at all. Change, change that status.
      No, don't share the wardrobe. Even if you give them labelled plastic boxes for their clothes, they won't manage. :D
      Many thanks for your wishes, Chicky.

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  9. Wish you a very happy marriage anniversary. Aseem must already be planning to get rid of that T-shirt :P

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    1. If I actually gave him one, he would. Honestly, I myself would be embarrassed if he wore it. :P
      Thanks for your wishes.

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  10. Happy 8th anniversary! Wishing you many more! Fabulous post!

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    1. Thanks for reading and for the wishes!

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  11. Ours is 6th July. And we've spent more years together than Shahids bride has spent on this planet.
    Wish you a happy anniversary and many many more.
    Dashing, super intelligent and low maintenance. Agree on the first two, will have to ask Aseem for the last one.

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    1. Oh, it just went by. Happy Anniversary to you both, Alka. I've seen you two together - elegant, loving and warm. You're fabulous, and you did make me go 'aww' more than once in Oxford. Wishing you good times and even more happiness.
      Aseem has been trained to respond a certain way for the last one. He just 'call diverts' and I step in with my dashing-ness. :D
      Thank you so much for your wishes.

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  12. "The same khichdi may taste different on different days depending on the marital mood and likewise different khichdi may taste the same because he always forgets the salt!" haha! too good! Wish you both a happy 8th anniversary!

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    1. :D Thanks, my darling Shaivi.
      Your wishes mean a lot, especially since I know you have been super busy.

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  13. Happy anniversary to you both.

    I am not married yet, but this is very touching in a subtle way.

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    1. Good to hear the post struck a chord with you, Nandana. Wrapped in humour I did intend to make an honest point about it all. :)
      Thanks for your wishes.

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  14. hey sakshi, long time....happy anniversary!!! i know i have missed a lot but im back to read.

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    1. Madam, where have you been? Good to see you, and glad to know you're back and reading. Writing too, I hope?
      Thanks for coming by and for your wishes.

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  15. That's quite an insight.. Helpful, if I must say for the people who are intending.

    Wish you a very happy anniversary.

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    1. Could I help you, in any way? :D

      Thanks much, Abbas!

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  16. Happy Anniversary Sakshi. Wish you many many more. :)

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  17. I loved the khichdi analogy :D you even make marriage gyan sound fun :P Wish you two a very happy anniversary :D

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    1. Marriage gyan. :D
      Thanks for your wishes, Rajlakshmi.Glad you enjoyed the khichdi.

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  18. Happy Anniversary Sakshi :)

    Well, this is one of the most refreshing post I have read ever for anniversary.
    Luckily I'm still single and it's awesome so far. :p

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    1. :D :D Refreshing is okay. Is it inspiring or not? :P
      Thanks for the wishes!

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  19. Bronze? So strange. Chalo, at least the metal/stone keeps getting more precious with each passing year. Not that the two of you (together) need any of that kind of incentive!
    Happy wedding anniversary and my best wishes for many, many more!

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    1. Yes, as discussed over wine and coke, this bronze is difficult to fathom!
      Yes, the metal does get more precious. At the jeweler's!
      Thank you, sir. :)

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  20. Belated marriage anniversary to you both. The space thing making me stay away and yeah, I am scared to take the plunge..shadi ka ladu..jo khaye pachtaye..I am in the mode right now. A kick ass post:) I am smiling.

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