Wednesday, 4 February 2015

The ‘Other’ Inbox on Facebook; A Love Story


To wake up, rather suddenly, on the sagging side of 30+ can be quite traumatic. Even more if it happens on a morning when the maid informs you that today’s Delhi Debate in Vrindavan Park near Mother Dairy-gate of our flats saw most maids agreeing that I was so much prettier when I came here 6 years back – just married, fresh face, long sensible hair, always threaded brows, etc. Her unabashed comfort in revealing such truths didn’t stun me as much as, well, the truth. Which being, my body and hair and face and younameitdammit are undergoing constant … evolution, to use a nice word. 

The conversation grew roots in my head and remained there like a teak tree with big leaves keeping all light of reason and reasonable analysis away from the freshly formed idea of a maid-rejected Self. Meaning, no sense of self, at all. I was provoked to think, look back, call my husband to ask his ‘You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever married!’, sift through my wedding albums and message my husband again for a contrariwise-to-maid’s-opinion in text as further substantive evidence. But for the maximum solace to an injured ego, I logged in to Facebook, my magic mirror on the wall, just like yours. 

Professors of Secret Sociability on Social Networks tell you how the vainest put display pictures, collect likes on them and then scratch those numbers on a wall of fame in their houses called ‘Fuel for Narcissism’. I am one of them, on Facebook. (No, not the Professor. The other vain variety). 

So, after sending the nth message to my husband and finally receiving a reply back (‘Honey, I'm off for a very important sarkari chai break now’) I had no other shoulder to rest my injured head on and I logged on to Facebook; the underwire that supports you on your lowest days. That’s when it happened. While I was still doing the math as to how many total likes I have got on all display pictures put together, dividing them into columns of known sources, known-but-untrustworthy-sources and unknown-thus-more-valuable-sources, I noticed something by sheer coincidence. I noticed a folder called ‘Other’ in Facebook Messenger and opened it. 

That’s the exact moment I realized how wrong the maid was and how I was measuring my waistline with the wrong tape. That’s also the exact moment I fell rose in love, all over again, and this time with multiple men. Yes, as many as would fit in a Trojan Horse before I pushed it down Mount Etna’s golden gurgling mouth. All out of love, and for giving it irreversible permanence, thus. 

You want to see what keeps this old wife’s heart’s strings playing tra-linga-ling?


Isn’t it just lovely how this kind man hunted me down like a true seeker, found me and finally addressed me by my surname? Wht’s mre! He’s an aspiring wrter 2 lk myslf. Immediately, I felt connected on this side and on the other side of all sense too. He also intends to forge a most unique bond of friendship – one that motivates and one that inspects. In advance he shows such gratitude already for a communion yet to be made that my starry eyes wonder what’s in store for me after the raid is over, the inspection done and dusted, and the X-file closed. 


Not all bodily references are bawdy. Certainly not those which are also your centre of gravity. He called me like he would a French nun who quit the habit to marry a Monsieur (which was a breeze of fresh air compared to the ‘hi sakkuu’ I received just before this). So novel the address concocted that I wonder how novel the just-released novel will be! I would have liked to tell him how I too was hoping to write a book with my esteemed end but how, after Kim K’s revelation, it’s sitting put on strike, asking to be let free from the purdah system permanently with a year’s supply of oil.


A love note so close to my heart that on the crappiest of days I turn to it to realize what I see as shit surrounding me is not. This man charming has with such keen observation skills painted a picture of me that my husband could borrow some leaves or rox from this mode of expression. What can it be except trew lowe in the eyes which notice how a woman mixes colours optimistically, thus leading him to (big word alert) believe in her – as a messiah to deliver mankind from the ugly, unruly life of glamor-without-a-u. U being me, here.


I wish I could meet this man, one day. He looks nothing like Robin Sharma or Shiv Khera but see how he cares if I’m happy. Just how many people ask you that? How many, tell me? Oh, and he feels too. You see, he looks beyond the externals. He simply sits blindfolded on messenger waiting for harmonic signals of charming women to reach him. That’s when he pings to tell ladies such as myself giving us hope for things beyond the first horizon of friendship. Ahem!

Many others have come and gone. Many keep coming and coming and coming till the number, of messages, is mind-blowing. There all all kinds. One just left a “gud morning happy thandi thandi morning” and froze all conversation since I saw the message too late. Others have pockets full of posies, like this one “Hii... Gd morning.have a nice wednesday.''Yeh duniya kahan hai dosti ke liye,'par kahan se waqt nikalta hai dushmani ke liye'' and then fallen into a drunken stupor where even Thursday rhymes with 'liye'.

Sigh. 

So wanted by the opposites I feel, such divine calmness too, that if I were to die this moment I would be reborn as a Best Seller Balm 30+ – a relaxing, warming elixir to rid you of all aches and pains - right from your heav(y)ing bosoms to your revered ends. 

And just as suddenly, I am left with no more complaints for today.




38 comments:

  1. Sakshi, I am rolling around with laughter right now. I am particularly interested in the man who wants just 'inspection and motivation.' Note that he has not clarified what it is that he wants inspected. I have not received an 'Others' folder message in ages now. Tell me your secret, woman :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shailaja, I am glad he has a taker. When are you coming to pick him off my inbox? :D
      I am sure you have received enough. Come on! (Not that they bear testimony to anything. On the contrary, it's quite unflattering to receive these. But that's a secret between you and me. For the sake of the post up there let's just call it Lowe.)

      Delete
  2. hahahaaa....... well Sakshi, you wrote that right. Yes the other folder of inbox does contain funny messages and most of the time requesting to be friends. But your account of this was really funny......like I received one today,"Megaahub.com is the next best social network..thumbs up (INDIA)",
    Now that was "Why did you send me ?????"lolzzz

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, I was being sold expensive watches from the world over at throwaway prices. You can guess by now what I threw away. :)
      Dig deeper. I'm sure there's a nice one with pink hearts and red ribbons waiting to be read. ;)

      Delete
  3. Hahahahaa! Only you could come up with such a hilarious post about the "Other" folder! :D :D
    Hats off!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. I quite realise only I can spend copious amounts of time reading and writing about something that others don't give a rat's arse for. :P
      Good you liked it! :D

      Delete
  4. hahahaha i don't know about the other folder but it becomes evident in any group u join too. Hoping u can have some healthy exchange...but i guess fb is not the place to do so.
    Being a nature lover i joined when i was sent an invite but have silently crept out of all...because of...strangers wanting this kind of motivation and more.
    Enjoyed this post and ur parts reminded me of humor in daily life RD.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Any group. Absolutely right. Even on Google+ for that matter. A 'Hiiiiii' comes in almost daily. I guess those deserved a mention too. Thanks for reminding me love is also to be found in other places. :P
      Creepy-crawly-cuddly places should be exited before they convert you. You did well. :D
      To be compared to RD's column is the best thing I have heard in a long time. Thank you, Shivani.

      Delete
  5. U Rox lady!!
    The Other folder can truly entertaining, more so if you are young beautiful and talented. And female.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You forgot to add 'and with weird yellow hair' to the list of assets. Ahem! ;)
      Thanks for reading, Alka. Always look forward to your comments.

      Delete
  6. They were discussing you WOW.. Tusin great hon ..
    Na I don’t have facebook so nothing like me he he he he he 
    Oooh now I am impressed with this person wanting your help, first I think you need to ask him to check his spellings they are worse than mine and I thought it was me who had atrocious spellings.. so forget the other in facebook I am happy I came over and saw this , I have a smile that phew I have better spellings then at least ONE ..

    Ohhhhh I am sure you are beautiful, elegant, sophisticated , sensual (am I missing something , do let me know ) .. pleaseeeeeeeeeeee  nan a believe me I am definitely not like the one who sent you that not .. he does not look beyond outward appearance .. hats off to him for sure 

    SO did you make the acquaintance then go on put a smile on his face.. after all its only an outward appearance he he he he

    SO easy to get a smile just look at the people idolising you he he he he

    Bikram's

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Arrey, do you read well or not, Bikram. No one was discussing me. These are friendship seeking lonely souls from a lonelier planet in my inbox.
      If you did not look like a bloated B in your Blogger DP, I'd go so far as to say you are rather better looking than the "suitors" too.
      Hopefully, you are nothing like that all of them put together and cut half. :P
      No, if I had made an acquaintance the love letter would be in their inbox not on my blog.
      Yeah, looking at them, I am not feeling as good about myself as the post lies.

      Delete
    2. ok I have re read again and I am sure It says that they are discussing you :)

      "saw most maids agreeing that I was so much prettier when I came here 6 years back" ..

      right that means I better change the DP soon :) .. I do hope so I am not like that myself , as such getting difficult to sit in a chair for long it will be more difficult with all the bloating :)

      Oh ho y u not feeling so good :) tell tell tell

      Delete
  7. My other folder contains invitation to visit their sites or a salesperson trying to sell some goods. I read and delete them. But Sakshi , this person in your folder seems to be interesting that you have written a whole post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He he. Pure happen stance that I came across this folder many months back. I don't go there regularly at all, but I meant to write this post since forever now.

      Delete
  8. Oh my God! That was a laughter riot. U truly Rox Sakkuuu...:-D That inspires me to dig into my others folder first thing tomorrow morning. Jeene ki ek aakhri aas. :-D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dig-o dig-o.
      And share your "dear" life with us all. Good to spread some LOLzzz. :D
      Your last sentence got Sakkuuu rolling with loffter.

      Delete
  9. Myself, matured man, well settled in Canada way of life, but too much cold here. How is weather on your end?

    hey, how come my Other Inbox is empty!!!! I'm obviously not attracting the right type of FB fans. Maybe I need to stop posting DPs of my feet .... (but that's your fault!! )

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The weather on my end is Lee-tle bit chilly, ink blue and slim-fit too.

      Feet DP either because you underestimate your face or overestimate your feet. Fewer than the number of original red heads vanishing from your neighbourhood are the people with good looking noses and feet.
      No, I am not hinting it should be your nose next.
      Stop taking me at face value. :P

      Delete
    2. Hmm, I used to have my nose as Profile Pic once upon a time. The populace at large disapproved loudly and very vocally... maybe it's time again...

      You're such a fount of good ideas!

      Delete
  10. Wonder what really helped. I rather suspect you forgot yourself and reacted with a mix of emotions - overriding pity, helpless laughter and, guilt at being ever so slightly creeped out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly those and a few things more. :P
      Good you read, K.

      Delete
  11. you are truly are popular, Saskhi :) I was glued reading the messages. My goodness, what kind of people are there...I can't even imagine. Wondering my other folder is pretty clean, I ain't so popular? Btw, you truly Rox in writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If this is popularity, may God send all of this and more your way. :D
      Pata nahi what kind, but this kind certainly.
      In writing I always want to Rox only. :D

      Delete
  12. Good lord! I am sure you've curated the messages and produced only the least intrusive ones here. Thank goodness that Facebook automatically filters them out of sight!
    That maid is a keeper. Best to immediately send her a friend request, if you haven't done so already!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course I have curated them. You see, there is a right time and a right place to show the various kinds of messages. From both the inboxes. :D
      Yes, glad they're usually out of sight. But happy to have read them.
      That maid is exactly the kind of depressing janaani company I don't enjoy. I thought that you knew. :P
      Good to see you here, though for some reason your face looks like an exclamation mark. So now I'm wondering - Who is this imposter!!!

      Delete
  13. The 'other' for sure always tries its best to ooze with charm and you're lucky to have such a fawn line of 'others' on Facebook.
    This 'other' syndrome does tend to be infectious and so even set out to explore and look at what I discovered... tens of beautiful women from all over the world had inundated this message folder but some power had removed every consonant of whatever poetry they may have sent me, and all that invariably remained was an officious message that said: "This message has been temporarily removed until we can verify the sender's account."
    Why does this happen to me, I wailed... and sat down to write this note.

    Arvind Passey
    www.passey.info

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lucky? Yes, right. Often I run out of 'inspirational' things to write about. This was like a self-help post. Everyone knows where to go to feel wanted and alive! :P
      Ha ha ha ha ha. Look at the way you mourn the vanishing act of 'tens of beautiful women'. I'm sorry for you.
      By the way, are you saying there is a way to filter these away from sight? Hm. Now I am wondering if I want to do that or not. :D
      Thanks a lot for reading!

      Delete
  14. I am so jealous of your right now.The men who send me messages only restrict it to a word or two. The person who is writing the book seems like a gem. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Most messages read 'Hiiiiiiiiii'. Too loud for my taste. Only a few people can be such gems, writing passages that motivate further writing. Like up there! :D
      I will personally promote that guy's book. Such a treasure!
      Thanks for being here, Red!

      Delete
  15. Ha ha! Great post. And you are right - heading over to the "others" folders makes one realize that men are so eager for a frandship and our smiles are so lobly! :D

    Parul

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lobly! :D
      Everyone has their rubies and pearls delivered secretly to them in the 'other' inbox. I am sure you do too. That's why the 'Happiness' in your name? ;)
      Thank you for reading!

      Delete
  16. That's an absolutely awesome post on fraanship request..will u fraandship me, types?!!! Haha! Now stop killing those men with ur looks...lolzzz Guess, got to do with ur charm that maids in the locality are debating about u. So, how did u share the looks with Mr Husband, 'Aaji Sunte ho?"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Husband was amused but now he knows there are some "suitors" who are more expressive. So in that sense in silly disguises comes a blessing! :D
      Thanks, Vishal.

      Delete
  17. Hahaa!! Facebook works in marvelous and mysterious ways, huh? I just posted this on my blog as a Valentine's day special and found your post on blogadda! http://junkwire.blogspot.in/2015/02/10-guys-you-should-avoid-on-facebook.html Funny part is most of this stuff comes straight to my inbox! I've had some people who randomly start telling me about their relationship problems or rather their 'lack of a relationship with a particular girl' kinda problems too. to be exact. So many weird wonderful people to provide us blog fodder!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marvellous and mysterious, indeed!
      Thankfully, these letters of lowe first go to the 'other' section and then are greeted by me on days such as the one I wrote the above on. :P
      Okay, random relationship advice? Bai God that is creepy. So you're a love guru kinda gal, huh? Hm. Now I know whose doors to knock when the need arises. :D
      Blog fodder. :D :D

      Delete

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