Monday, 24 February 2014

Sunday, on a different note!



The plan was to sleep and sleep and not wake-up at 7 am. On a Sunday, you are not meant to do that. God said so and took a break Himself, remember? But the loud trrrring of the doorbell shook me awake. I was playing Laptronica sitting beside Johnny Depp in my dreams, in complete Rhythm and Jazz when the tanpura of reality fell on my head.  

Open eyes and door.

There he stood, smiling as if nothing had happened, two packets of milk in his hands. Creep, I whispered, hoping God didn’t hear that. ‘Ram ram bhabhi ji’ and I growled something back, trying to open the eye that was stuck with the nameless little white things that form in them overnight. ‘The weather is changing fast now!’ and I looked at his face with that thin moustache I wanted to uproot. 100 minus 54 is … um … and he handed me the change. ‘Short by 1 rupee’, I told him. In went his hand into his pocket and jingled the coins inside. Clank clank clink and it sounded like Death Metal to my aching head. ‘Good day Sunday be with you, bhabhi ji’ he sheepishly said, smiling like an apsara no less in the rising sunlight, his words sung like Bhajan Kirtan straight into my head. Did I see him clapping his hands and nodding his head side-to-side too? The door closed. Phew! 

The coffee had to be strong. The bongo in my head had to go. And I had an appointment at the salon. Threading and then skinning alive for a dip in hot oil, and then slow roasting with Elevator Music playing in the bac … I meant waxing. 

I almost gave up, then saw a rickshaw guy sleeping, on duty. On duty! I shook his world and asked him to take me to ‘Beauty and the Best’, for 10 bucks. Cursing louder the sarkar with every pothole in the road, I wished I had a driver, or a bigger bum. The little bell on his handle was going mad with glee, and here I was doing Space Disco, or is this what is called Indie Rock a-bye-bebbe. Drats! ‘Can you go faster please, I’m getting late’ I bent forward to scream in his ear. He agreed. As if I had sung some Gospel Music in his ear. Vroom he went, till my liver reached my knees, my spleen my toes, and my heart right into my mouth. I reached. In one piece, but just a little misplaced inside. 

Minimalist … music I mean, as I entered to take a chair. ‘Threading first, please’ and in came my girl. Twang twang and felt like someone was playing a violin on my brows with a kite-flying thread. The murmur of fellow-sufferers did not help the pain. Such Comedy, the banters. ‘How much for waxing chest hair?’ and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. I still cannot take it, a man next to me, querying thus with a green pack on his face. ‘Stay still and pull up, ma’am’ she whispered, matching the Drone playing around me somewhere. Or was it the pain in my head? ‘Oh, sorry! Is it almost over, Shikha?’ As if! The waxing session began. Two women, playing Qawwali over my legs my arms. Outdoing each other. The Drone turned Psychedelic. I am dying, I said to myself. This is what death feels like. I saw a sudden bright light and a woman in white robes saying something to me … ‘Ho gaya, ma’am’. I squeaked a thank you, with tear-filled eyes. Tears of joy. Hallelujah! 

I reach home and breathe, only to find I had forgotten to get the vegetables. Ravivar Bazaar lined the lane next door. And it was abuzz. Do I have to? Argued the angel. You have to! Boom boxed the devil. One jhola on one waxed arm a purse on the other, and an upper lip red like a certain God I entered the passageway to hell. What a Classical Crossover – from my peaceful home to this Samba. All shapes and sizes testing my Heavy Metal, over lauki and tori and gobhi and aalo. More push than that involved in delivering a child. Equal pull too. Hip Hop in the crowd and I reached my favourite guy. ‘What do you mean 20 ka ek pao?’ I screamed though my teeth, in the highest note of the octave. He acquiesced to this raging Medusa’s mood. Finally, to the Afro-Beat in my head, I sprinted home. Less red on the lip, but sore like a thumb in the head. 

Enough. This Sunday was all Noise.

I plonked on the bed and just stared at the fan, like a sax not ready to be played at any more. All my buttons had been pressed enough through the day. Telly on! What in the world is this? A furore in the Rajya Sabha. Hah! What fun. Suddenly, a big belly jangled naked with excitement. Acid Jazz poured in my eyes. Only one word escaped my mouth – Eww! I flushed the remote. Cut the TV cable into two. And closed my eyes. Humming my favourite Blues, finally. Falling asleep, slowly, almost there in the Bill Board chart of Top 10 Johnny Depp dreams. 

And then I heard it. Snore snore whistle snore whistle whistle snore. ‘What Deep F … Funk!’ You dog! And then I just gave up, on this very discordant Sunday. 

[Written for WordPress Daily Prompts : 365 Writing Prompts aimed at posting at least once a day, based on the prompts provided. The prompt for today was: B+ - Write about what you did last weekend as though you’re a music critic reviewing a new album.]


45 comments:

  1. Not quite what I was expecting, but interesting nevertheless. I'm assuming you incorporated "music styles" into the "B+" chord and came up with this little off-beat peace. Honest comment - nice yet slightly distant take on the prompt :) Yes, you've incorporated what they've asked. And conveyed how your little "Sunday schedule" was ruined by all the "noise". So overall quite noisy reading :)

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    1. You have expectations of me? :P
      B is a note. B major B minor are chords. B+ is a blood group, and also a way to telling myself to be positive. Thank you for your honest comment. Reviewing of a music album is done quite like this. Read Dhoom 3 music review. :P :P
      Thanks for reading, Sid.

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  2. OMG! You and only you could have done this post Saks. Humorous enough to make all my organs misplaced. :-D Couldn't stop laughing at the very urge of uprooting those tiny little moustache. The exact feeling I have when someone disturbs me in sleep. Thank you for helping me start Sunday laughing loud. :-)

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    1. Ha ha, Reks. Such silliness only I am capable of. :P I hope the organs are back to their original locales. That uprooting I meant in all seriousness, I swear! Thank you for dedicating your Sunday morning to this here. Lots of love!

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  3. You know, even though I have not met you personally, it is very hard for me to believe that you actually shout at people :-)
    And while I was reading the part where you reached your salon, my husband who was watching Winter Olympics was trying hard to get my attention to listen to what he had to say about the athletes. I however was busy reading your post and then came the part where this man with green pack on his face asking about chest waxing (thinking to myself how some men are so silly) and then I heard my husband say 'see this athlete is quite handsome' and to this my neck almost cracked in an effort to turn around and to see that handsome dude of an athlete. And then I hear my husband say in near contempt 'ah so you only turn this side to see a 'handsome man' and not to listen to what I have to say? is that right?' :-D

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    1. Bhavana, you have guessed that right. I don't shout at people. I value my BP and my happiness much more. However, my boy and beau might have a different story to tell. ;) They lie, I swear! :D
      I like that little incident you shared. Made me LOL. :D
      As for what your husband said, well, I hear it all too often from mine too. Make sure you inbox me the name of that 'handsome' athlete. :D
      And thank you for stopping by!

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  4. Undoubtedly one of your best, Sakshi. Calling your next-door ravivar bazaar 'passageway to hell'. Hah!

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    1. Thank you, Spunky. Like I said, you saying it makes me believe it too. Floating around like a case full of vanity now. :D

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  5. Sakshi, enjoyed reading your very creative and interesting post. You could write complete posts on each and every incident from your day, starting from the milk man's visit to the salon and veg shopping. Looking forward to more such fun posts, have a great day :)

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    1. Thank you, Sulekha. I will take your idea seriously and write an Ode to the Thin Mooch really really soon. :D Have a great Sunday and thanks for reading this!

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  6. Hahaha :) I guess bigger bums are not bad after all :D and those musically noisy words , my God ! you just made us chuckle away in grand glory. Here, take a bow, Madam :)

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    1. Thanks, Sreeja. :D
      Senseless posts are so much fun to write. :D

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  7. Brillianto!!!!
    And I am completely simpatico!

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  8. After a busy and noisy Sunday, this resonates. Brilliant!

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  9. Nice, from somebody who knows his music a little bit and has had his Sundays disturbed by household chores myself, I could relate to both the musical as well as the noise parts of this post.

    Nice different take on the prompt :D

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    1. That's a nice way of putting it, Jai - 'I could relate to both the musical as well as the noise parts of this post.' :)
      Thanks!

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  10. Woah! What a dull-ness Sunday, Sakshi!!!! Johnny Depp, Bhajan wale doodh wala,Rendez Vous at the Saloon and Ravivar Bazaar..Ram! Ram! Bhabhi-ji. Whatta joyful Sunday you had! I shall call it Ministry of Sound:)

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    1. You really liked this one, I can tell. Look how you quote me! :D
      Thanks a lot. That 'Ministry of Sound' made me smile! :)

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  11. That was one hell of a creative post.....a captivating read indeed! :)
    And true that...you did sound like a music critique through out! :D
    "Falling asleep, slowly, almost there in the Bill Board chart of Top 10 Johnny Depp dreams "...haha awesome! :D :)

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    1. Thanks, Nikhil.
      Good to see you around! :)

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  12. This post has been selected for the Tangy Tuesday Picks this week. Thank You for an amazing post! Cheers! Keep Blogging :)

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  13. Hahahah....that was very nicely done, indeed! Those folks at BlogAdda really know how to pick out the best! :P

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  14. Only towards the end of the piece, i realized its written as a music critic. You were so natural. And yes, the post was awesome

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  15. Musical Sunday...it was fun reading this one..great and innovative post..:-)

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  16. Thankfully you had a noisy Sunday, we got to read one more fun post. :)

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    1. Ha ha, Pooja. Well, and a painful one too. :D
      But, all's well that makes us LOL. :D

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  17. So I was not wrong to hope that your posts will be funny as well.. I'm so glad I dropped by - you just won yourself a follower.. This post was wonderfully mixed up with the music review part, which I read only later.. and I absolutely loved how you wrote about wanting to uproot your milkman's moustache.. LOL. :D

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    1. Thanks, Deeptiman. By the way, shhh. Aren't you giving too much away? :P
      Good to know you liked this.

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    2. No, not yet. Just keeping writing such posts and I'll keep quiet. Haha! :P

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  18. What a musical sunday! It hit all the high notes :)

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  19. Lyrical Sunday with Quwalli on your legs. Interesting take Sakshi.

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  20. Sunday Bazaar and Samba .. and I am not surprised you got an Afro beat in your head at the end of the Day ! What a fabulous and innovative take on the prompt Sakshi !

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