Saturday, 18 January 2014

The Little Toot



Is that me? Of course not! I look much better. Any day!

Do you think I can toot my own horn? I possibly cannot.

Although, some people call me The Little Toot. But I am certain it is their problem not mine. And sure that blowing my own trumpet is not one of the talents I enjoy. Neither can any fancy training make me learn to do that with élan. None, whatsoever.

Look at the humble me.

On FB, I mean. I never change my profile picture on a daily basis. The last I changed was when I was 2, or my son. Such regulars other people are, always putting new poses and positions for public viewing. Arrey? Where is the need and what be the aim? A simple smile on a haircut day is enough. Or an evening gown with a jeans-tee husband on the side. Also, why add 5000 friends? Such indiscriminate attitude towards true relationships cannot be next to Godliness, which friendship is supposed to be. I only have 600. Then, I never ‘promote’ myself, after I heard that it is paid. Even otherwise, I am sure I would never have promoted myself. And pimping my work you call it? Tauba! Never never. Just a little self-love for what I do. Just like you too love your food or kitty or bags or shoes. Buss. Prudish privacy settings are not for me. Like Mr. Anonymous once said in his classically wise way - It’s FB for Heaven’s sake. Need some space? Try Orkut. The last I checked there was not a soul there and a lot of solitude to enjoy. Privacy settings complete! Or was it me saying that?  

Of course I am not tooting my own humility horn. Am I?

I am suddenly reminded of a well-schooled me!

On the road I blow my horn. But certainly not as much as every car, scooter, bike, tractor, truck and bicycle around me. Bai God! I never toot at red lights, as those who do thinking they turn green out of sheer frustration at the loudness. The modest (envious? No, baba!) me notices toots making sure their Audi is noticed, even if it is crawling as fast as the bullock cart I’m driving next to it. Often, some go honk-honk generally, since there is not much else to do with their hands, or maybe to give background music to Honey Singh playing on the radio, or in their hearts. I did try it too. I once tooted and tooted at a wheel that was crossing the road, thanks to a little child spinning it with a stick. I am sure the wheel heard me. And made way! But me going beep-beep indiscriminately? Never!

Toot-toot-tooty? Why are you singing that for me? Or is it my cart calling me?  

So simple I am I wonder how to explain.

Weddings I like. I know how to whistle with my fingers in my mouth. The front-benchers-in-small-time-cinema-halls kind. And get whistled at too, if all those badly suited tender-age boys staring my way are to be believed. Here and bare I was, standing with my back towards the crowd. Enjoying the little attention coming my way. And there, hey Ram, came a group of damsels in varying degrees of wardrobe distress. And hair! Glitter in the hair? No wonder the metallic butterfly thought it was a flower. And chose to sit. Two balls, perhaps 24 carat like the tops, hanging low from the blouse on the back. To be seen. They even rang, like a bell, as they passed me. Such 'shimmeriness' and I waned in comparison. Because I had only one hanging behind me, and tops the size of a peanut. But choro parrey! Who has the time to go look at others? And envy I never feel. Most of the time, I am busy looking at my modest simplicity in every glass door that I pass. You may look like the bride, but I simply aim to look like her sister, that's all.

What? Why the face? I can like myself for my dressing-sense or not? What goes of the orchid in your hair?

I am a very charitable person.

Religious too, somewhat. See. Thing is. We need to go to heaven. So every Tuesday I go to the temple and distribute sweet orange balls of Prasad (3/out-stretched hand) freely to the needy around. Then, I carry the idea of giver around my neck and the label in my head, before I zoom home to eat my paneer butter masala. I am charitable, but I don’t toot, mind you. This was just a passing reference. Really! I do look at others around who indulge in holy-toot. Bhai sahib! You think blocking the road with your larger-than-life langar pandal will prove a point? And not letting my bullock cart pass will earn you extra bucks, or blessings as they are called? Hey prabhu I invoke, yes, even the one in gold hanging gladly around some necks, desperate for cynosure. Think properly, will you? Or are you drunk, like the goons on trucks invoking Shiva. Oh by the way, I never drink in the name of religion, or charity even. Just saying. When I give that Re 1 to my mall cashier for a good cause I understand not, I don’t do dhindoraa-peetna at all. At all! It’s not like I gave off my jaydaad, or my choc-a-bloc bank locker. Is it?

Optimum amount of charity and religion in my life. Buss. Not tooting, but stating a basic fact of my existence. Including about my locker.

As for my writing, what to say?

I am sure I stand apart. I am sure. It’s the dirty competition that kills me. Appreciate and you are sycophant. Don’t and you are a prude. Try to improve and they think you are still a kid. Don’t improve and you are a dinosaur. Arrey bhai? Write and let write doesn’t sound nice or what? I never meddle in people’s writing affairs. I send a polite ‘check your tense will you’ message, often. Feeling not one bit superior in language, though I do take my writing very seriously you know. Much more seriously than the one who just wrote a Haiku on over-boiled rice. No, not tooting my horn with my pen cap. But I love my ivory tower. Precious and exclusive it is. Like me, maybe. The rest is just a Ladies club on picking of Teej Queen day. Sexist me? There, you start judging again!

I notice your frown. Confused, if it’s you I talk about or myself? Worry not, I love talking about me, even though I toot no narcissistic horn when I say that!

Now, do you finally believe I cannot toot my own horn?


[Written for Project 365 aimed at posting at least once a day, based on the prompts provided. The prompt for today was "Toot your Horn - Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favourite thing about yourself."]






59 comments:

  1. Let me be the first to applaud you for some amazing "tooting". Having known you for a while now (well, in reality only a few months, but in blogging years that makes us best friends :P), I know how you squirm when we shower you with compliments. I also know you secretly enjoy them, but your humility would never ever let you parade this fact out in the open. Sakshi, you write brilliantly, and from the looks of it, in spite of not wanting to "toot" your horn, you have inadvertently (or on purpose) given us another gem of a post. Will you never cease to amaze us...with your writing...and goodness of heart I mean? Probably not! Loved it :)

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    Replies
    1. Of course I enjoy compliments. You mean you don't? What are you, Mr. Humble? And, whether it was 'inadvertent' or 'on purpose' is for you to guess and me to know. Thanks for liking the post though.

      Delete
  2. Sakshi, you definitely didn't toot your own horn. :-P
    I loved the last para. Write and let write does sound nice to me. :-)

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  3. Now. now Sakshi! You were tut tutting and definitely not toot tooting!

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  4. Toot away, Sakshi! Our dear Dalli compels us to do so! And, frankly, you have a million better reasons to do so than most.

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    1. Keeping that 'million' etched in my memory next time I tell you how well I cook Rajma.
      Thank you, Rickie. :D

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  5. Agree with Rickie.. while I understand the discomfort in tooting, if anyone has a reason to toot, it would be you :)

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    1. Seeta, why are you doing this to me? What if I refuse to come back from cloud no. 9? :O

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    2. Dont worry. Sid always has his pack of pins ready! :D

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    3. I see the pins have made an appearance here :) Nice. It's catching up!

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    4. Sid, you do stalk. How in the world did you realise the mention here? :O

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  6. Well written and the article has a subtle sense of humor

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    1. Thanks for noticing the humour. Glad you enjoyed it!

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  7. Ingenious. I love your non-tootiness. BTW it did remind me of the song about a toot or was it a TOOH? Just sayin'

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    1. I love your comment, Ritu ma'am. There was a song once, called - toot-toot-tootie. Punjabi, I think. Tooh one I am yet to hear. But must be a good composition I am sure. :D

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  8. Needless to say, you have all the reasons to toot.
    I loved the pretty exclamations you have used : Bai God, Hey Ram, .... :D

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    1. :D The Delhi in me could not hold them back as I wrote. :D
      Thanks, Hiral!

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  9. I can never imagine you saying choro parrey. :) You have very reason to take pride in what you do. Dunno if its tooting though.

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    1. Thank you, Alka.
      Waisey, I do say 'choro parrey' a lot. Will drop a sample next time we meet. :D

      Delete
  10. Toot we all do, some less, some more. What's life after all without a lil tooting. Too(t) good :).

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    1. Love the 'Too(t) good'.
      Thanks, Saimini. :)

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  11. Go on .. Toot girl .. you have every right to.

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    1. (y) as do you.
      Thanks a lot for reading, Namrota.

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  12. Why is the Tooh song stuck in my head? And toot away to glory, Sakshi! You better than many others I say. What goes of my father? Besides, Dilliwale like show-sha baazi na :).

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    1. I am better at tooting than many others, Rachna? Chalo, every 'better than' is reason to be proud of, I say! :D Oh Dilli walley like Show-Sha baazi more than their butter chicken. Err, or not? :P
      Thanks for reading!

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  13. goodness me.. why hadn't i come to ur place is a mystery that baffles me.. AWESOME AWESOME.. and okay i am one of those who does change a lot of profile pictures on facebook :D :D

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    1. I do too, change a lot of profile pictures. ;)
      Glad you came by today. And I hope you will again and again. Read your comment on 'That's me' and still blushing! :D

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  14. This was just such a wonderful tongue-in-cheek post about all the jokers out there who quite literally and figuratively toot their own horns. I don't know if the satirical sarcasm in the post was intentional, but I was chuckling away at the entire post.

    Like Sid says in his comment, given your penchant to squirm uncomfortably at overflowing praise in the form of comments on the post, I am going to stop right now with this parting line, "If anybody has the right to toot their blogging horn, you are that person!!!"

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    1. The satire was intentional, yes, Jairam. Good you noticed it. :D

      That one inverted commas sentence of yours is enough for all 365 days to come! :D

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  15. cant help tooting, been in marketing and sales for more than a quarter century :)

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    1. Hahahahaha, Sowmya.
      Now that calls for a post!!

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  16. LOL ! Enjoyed it Sakshi.

    A tutor who tooted the flute
    Tried to teach other tooters to toot.
    Said the tooters to the tutor,
    "Is it harder to toot, or To tutor other tooters to toot?" :D

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    Replies
    1. I will forever remember you for this tongue twister. Thank you! :D
      Now I go and practise saying this in front of the mirror at great speed. :D

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  17. Totally enjoyable, Sakshi! Thoroughly enjoyed the tooting and all!

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  18. Dhindora peethp yaar..hahaa! I almost fell off the sofa laughing..happy tooting..what the harm, Sakshi Nanda..woah! You just changed ur pic with the new hair style and I thought u were joining Aam Aadmi Party as the new Mahila president....M looving it..woohoo..

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  19. Get free five page personalized Website, FREE WEBSITE

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  20. Keep Tooting and making me smile. Loved it Sakshi ..:)

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  21. A wonderful article indeed! No toot tooting there, I guess....but that's how it should be right?

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  22. hehehe...nice tooting !!!
    Best as ever!!
    Loved the last para which says WRITE AND LET WRITE..your hunger for writing !! :)

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    1. :D Thank you, Veena.
      Best as ever is a very huge thing to hear! :)

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  23. Hahah.. Fantastic "not-really-a-tooty" post! :p

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  24. LOL!!
    no "tooting" for you eh?!
    Very cleverly done Sakshi!! :D

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    1. Thanks, Pixie.
      Hope you enjoyed it. And no, no "tooting" for me. :D

      Delete
  25. That was a clean straight drive shot from heart. I m sure many from our fraternity wud agree with your lines. Enjoyed reading it and knowing about the writer I read so often.

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  26. well written :)
    BTW what does choro parrey mean?

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    1. 'Leave it aside' in Punjabi.
      Thanks for reading, Meghana. :)

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  27. This post has been selected for the Spicy Saturday Picks this week. Thank You for an amazing post! Cheers! Keep Blogging :)

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  28. Wonderfully written.. I must say I am a fan...

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    1. Thank you, Neha. Forget being a fan. Just stop by often, that should be good. :)
      Made my day!

      Delete

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