Friday, 6 December 2013

Lingerie Inside Out




Before some conservative organization reads the title of the post and bans me from the world of blogging, or from the world itself, you must read this. And before a protector of all-things-hidden-guarding-female-honour paints my face black and makes me sit atop a donkey, I must get my thoughts out on paper in full speed. 

I have lingerie on my mind. 

And I have been observing it for a very long time (I heard that ‘tch tch’). Even the phenomenon attached to it (if you sense a pun, you are the dirty one). 

I don’t intend philosophizing, but if I do stray from simply sparing a few thoughts about these ‘intimate companions’ into anything deeper than decency demands, you may close your eyes, or even mine. 

Experience speaks, first. 

Oh, for marriage purpose?’ the sales girl said with a knowing smile. Ear to ear, and looked at my tee. I stepped back. Was she going to hug me a congratulations now? She sure seems happy for me. And what does ‘marriage purpose’ mean? I did not have to exert too long. Out came boxes upon boxes, which started opening faster than hooks, on the clothes line, with very excited movements of hands. Hers, only. Even as mine kept themselves from going red. There was just too much to see.

I tell you! If marriages are made in heaven, in certain departments that which glitters the most is like a golden stairway to ascend to the clouds above (why would you sense a sexual innuendo here?). The glass top before me transformed into a dizzying array of sequins, stones, bows and even arrows, strategically placed in nooks and corners I did not even know existed on such bare essential clothing. The heart ruled the shapes, stars followed close behind. Some seemed gift-wrapped, others like fancy wrapping themselves. Oh lord, are those real feathers? Those metal tacks could scratch my washing machine! Barely any cloth, but what handiwork, as if God’s own craft. God’s own colours. Made in Heaven, indeed.   

It ended though, the picking. I exited poorer by more than just a gold coin. But richer with these thoughts floating in my mind – never knew how important lingerie is in the marital to-do list of things. Perhaps, right on top somewhere, in bold and beautiful letters, next to the ‘look for a mandap’ and ‘find the right guy’, in that order of merit. Reading – ‘Pick lingerie, for marriage purpose, only.’

Some years into marriage, and life takes over. Lingerie is just another piece of clothing. Usually. And certainly until the next visit to the mall. Mall?

Experience speaking, still.

Here you are slowly walking around the glossy floor, enjoying the free air-conditioning and feeling rich for no real reason. And suddenly what do you see? Is that Brazil’s carnival imported recently or the widest Xmas tree? Oh, it’s nothing but the lingerie section. Such a riot of colours and textures meet your eyes you cannot help but walk towards it in a daze. Mouth a little open under the spell, and very wide open even if you are a gentlemen trying hard to remain one, and feign looking away. 

How, in small shops, the lingerie is relegated a few shelves and a tiny table behind the bindi section, a left turn from the bathroom and next to the trial room. For propriety sake. But here, it’s a Wonder land (is that a brand?). Or an animal farm, with tiger stripes and leopard dots hanging by their tails. Oh my! Did someone in the trial room growl-grunt-roar a number out?

The old make way for new. Such is life. The purist white are going extinct, and ‘non fancy’ ones rest endangered. And why not! Freedom to choose and to express. Push-up, slap-down, make invisible, make visible or earn the bravery award and go … err … have a cup, of tea. Some straps are meant to be shown, some noodles to tease. All working for a singular cause - pumping, your self-esteem. For some you have to strain your eyes, for the price tag is certainly bigger than the piece. Where is it, the product, miss? Oh there, the sliver of orange hiding behind the brand tag, is it? I see. Um! Now which side up and which side down? 

Phew! I better stop, for all the bright right reasons. 

You breathe now, dear sir. Came here expecting your copy of ‘The Ultimate Guide to Unhook with Ease’, from the telly I mean. Well, madam, neither is this a give away. You may order online, where one is free on one. It's a stampede out there. 

Time to stop "linger-ee-ing" here now. Time for me to go.

Where? To the mall, of course!




98 comments:

  1. Nice post mam. Why feel different when sharing your views :)
    I hate our two faced behavior. We Indians need to open up where needed! :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :D Indeed! Thanks for reading, Aditya. :)

      Delete
  2. haha..interesting :-) good read this was

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good to have made you go 'hahaha', Shilpi. :D
      Thanks a lot for reading.

      Delete
  3. Brilliant post, as usual - always been a fan of your style.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Abhra. Long way to go before I deserve a 'fan', but I am happy to know that anyway. :)

      Delete
  4. Nice read! There certainly is a riot out there in the malls. Though I'm yet to come across the good meant for marriage purpose :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You will come across that soon enough. My prayers. :P
      Thanks for liking this, Medha. :)

      Delete
  5. hahah :P yeah been there. what about the look when you just think of getting something fancy and are not married :P hahahah .. the women look at you like your a wrong wronngggg person :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh wow. That is a brilliant thought. Why did I miss that in the post? :(
      I would love the saleswomen to give me that look. I have a solid look of my own to reciprocate that. :P
      Thanks for reading, Nomad. :)

      Delete
  6. hahaha!! I have never understood lingerie!! For me, comfort comes first.. I can't wear all that glittery stuff to bed.. it scratches and itches no? :P

    brilliant post Sakshi! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't wear anything to bed, Pixie. Forget glittery. :P Yes, it can leave permanent marks on the body. :P
      Thank you for your 'brilliant'. It means a lot. :)

      Delete
  7. I haven't chuckled so much at any post of yours till date. Loved how you so easily and funnily brought about the fact that the lingerie scene in India is slowly and gradually switching over the Western (or should I say Far Eastern) sensibilities when it comes to color, texture and contours (there I used extraordinarily decent words without any intentional or unintentional puns).

    Loved the post as usual :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It took lingerie to make you laugh out the loudest, is it? :D
      I like the cross-cultural study you seem to have done. Very interesting I must say. And here I sat thinking I know it all. :D Glad you liked this. Thanks a lot!

      Delete
  8. That was a nice easy and fun read. Happy Shopping!

    ReplyDelete
  9. If this fare was for marriage purpose, I wonder what lingerie meant for non-marriage purpose looks like! Great read...loved the double entendre, though I am too simple to naive and innocent to have noticed. :-P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes, surely. No one can use 'simple, naive and innocent' for you except you yourself. We know better! :D Thanks for reading, Rickie. :)

      Delete
  10. Marriage purpose, LOL. A pleasant read on a Saturday morning Sakshi.
    Amazing how you make the mundane interesting.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for stopping by, Alka. 'Amazing' is a great word to hear on a Saturday morning. The weekend has begun well. :)

      Delete
  11. Oh No! I didn't read this. I am removing it from the mind. "For marriage purposes". Oh My. This is the first I am hearing of this. And to think I have been married for 17 years. What a waste. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've been married for 6 years, and I have seen it all. You are in a better position, believe me. :D
      I like the ;) closing your comment. Says it all! ;)

      Delete
  12. So once you are married you don't need lingerie? I heard that! Sounds about, well, marriage!

    Fab one Sakshi..................You are a very 'deep' person. :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Vinita, you hear what you want to hear. ;)
      This is as 'deep' as it gets, especially with a topic so close to my heard, and wallet! :D
      Thanks for reading. Good to see you here.

      Delete
  13. I liked what Anita Nair had to say about Lingerie shops . The counters were a place where the women bonded . The cut on the skin , the itch of the elastic , the desire to fit and un-fit only a woman can understand . And who better can understand "For marriage purposes" than a woman eh ? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a wonderful comment, Sridevi. Anita Nair always gets is perfect. :)
      Thanks for reading! :)

      Delete
  14. Sakshi , you have brought out the ínside'(pun intended). Now its no longer the ándar ki baat'. I admire the choice of your subjects.For me comfort comes first and style is the last thing on my mind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha, Kalpana. Such was the intent, to bring out the 'andar' from the under. Do you really mean you admire the choice of my subjects? :D Thanks a bunch!

      Delete
  15. What amazing analysis, Sakshi :). Oh gosh, shopping for lingerie used to make me go blue and red with the exertion of explaining and asking in those days when lingerie stores were not the norm. Now, in the mall, I prefer to go to only lingerie store. What a pleasure it is to browse through them and try out stuff. The staff is delightfully professional even answering any queries that your partner have with utmost sincerity! BTW, have you never tried online shopping? It works great for men too who wish to gift the steamy number to their partners/SOs :). All the puns, loved them!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like 'analysis'. I suddenly feel so much more intelligent than I actually am, Rachna. :D
      Oh I loved your comment. Just no one said 'What a pleasure it is to browse through them and try out stuff.' *hand shake*
      I am directing Mr's attention to the sites right away. What an idea!

      Delete
  16. starting with the disclaimer, it kept me interesting on what is going to happen next. fun read :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. I must admit I had been termed as naive with regard to lingeries. All my husband's suggestions were countered by " why not men try something like this for their women?why us always" and had slipped away from the place :)
    I enjoyed ur writing as always.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love your counter argument. A man who read this post said the same thing, but excused himself from 'taking the trouble' saying it must be expensive. :D
      Thanks a lot, Vaishnavi.

      Delete
  18. Lol! For marriage purpose? Seriously??? Now that's something to look forward. As you said these days the lingerie shops are just heaven of colours. Recently only I have gained the ability of not going red while shopping for these... courtesy to the wild section in shopping malls esp dedicated to exotic lingeries.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, seriously! :)
      See now, 'exotic' was a lovely word and I should have used it in my post. Hm. Better luck next time. :D
      Thanks a lot for reading, Sheethal. :)

      Delete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Certainly a very different Post !!
    Loved the lines Oh, for marriage purpose?’ the sales girl said with a knowing smile.!!!!
    Hahhaha Nice Read .. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good to see you laughing. I did well. :) Thanks for reading, Veena. :)

      Delete
  21. I loved shopping for my 'only for marriage' lingerie;) it's just been two years so I was in the lucky phase where sales girl were professional enough to not give any judged look by my lingerie choice.

    Loved the post and the idea of how a simple task of lingerie shopping can become a great title to write on.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading, Chinks. :)
      Yes, I was one of the 'lucky' ones too to be honest. And like you, enjoyed myself thoroughly. I still do, actually. ;)

      Delete
  22. Ha ha! This post reminded me of my lingerie experiences too, especially when I was buying things for my daughters - the shopkeepers would look derisively at my expanding bottom line and wonder why I was asking for XS when obviously XXL would do better!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHAHAHA, bellybytes. You made my belly roar with laughter. Superb comment. :D
      Thanks for reading! :D

      Delete
  23. Just loved reading this post! Kept chuckling the whole way :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. The tile of this post made me to read whole post.Nice read though :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That was the idea, Tarun. Thanks a lot for reading! :)

      Delete
  25. O' my Gaaawd. Its great to read this explosive post. I seldom get a chance to smile, but you made me laugh aloud, which attracted my only wife to know the reason. She read your post without uttering even a single word(which is more Impossible than Tom Cruise's Mission Imposible).

    She asked me to suggest you to paste two lines of Disclaimer before----
    KAL BAKREY's political paattie SHEW XÉNA- "the peace-lovers and cutest packs of charming activists" ... find it glamorous; ...in that case, they might put a BAN on any kindda Lingerie with an obvious logic "...Bhartiya women nor use these piece of "INSIDIOUS EVIL" neither do they need one. These Mircoscopic Non-Opaque pieces of clothing are being imported in from Italy by "Rowbert Bhadra" (a Sanskrit Scholar) and Company with the Hidden-Support of Congress President, "Sonio Aandhi" ...might be said.

    Lingerie might also become major election Mandate for Soft Spoken Hindian, clad in French-Fright Beared--
    Sri MANENDRA NODI-- "the Noble-Prize-2002 Winner for PEACE-KEEPING. Another credit for "POPULATION Slashening" has also been gone to this Gujarati iconic "N. BHAI Mewdi", and he had been choosen to be tagged with the most prestigeous award, "CLONE OF MAHATMA GANDHI", he was given a WORLD VISA (a permit to travel by any airline, and a license to stay at any hotel, motel or lodge in any country for Life Time along with "only one wife at a time", a dozen of WILD DOG Commandoes for total security (more sharp than BLACK CAT Commandoes), a couple of Chefs having expertise in making DHOKLA, KHAKHRA, PAPDA, JALEBIRA, KHEKHAKHODRA, NAMAKHIRA et al., A TEAM OF N BHAI's ADMIRERS etc. etc ...

    XXX So Girl, you better consider my intellectual Wife, and write a disclaimer in Red+Bold+Under Lined+BLINKING style by using JAVA .NET or VISUAL C sharp programming language.

    I Wonder, had election commission of India allot him brand new Party Symbol of "TIGER SKIN Lingerie drying up atop of Lotus Flower, blooming at the mid-stream of river Yamuna in DELHI...

    JAI HO, JAI HO, JAI HO... (by the way, i am gonna have a dream connected to none other than લ્વાદિશ્ટૃ ભિંગરઇ)...

    REGARDS...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHAHAHA, hats off to your 'only wife' for such a riot of a comment. Creative, topical, and so funny. Outdid me in my silly puns for sure. :D
      Thanks a lot for stopping by you two! :)

      Delete
  26. Brilliant post. I never could understand the need for lingerie. It costs entirely too much money and doesn't stay on long enough to get your money's worth. Much rather go nude and save time. LOL ♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love your 'I never could understand the need for lingerie'. Had me all smiles. Yeah, does not stay on long enough. What a tempting alternative you present. And what money will be saved thus. :D
      Thanks, Kathy.

      Delete
  27. Marriage purpose? haha!! That was such a fun read. Really, really enjoyed it.
    (some of them really are tinier than the tags that come with them, aren't they? :D)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes yes, as i mention above. You have turn the tags around in your hands to just locate the real thing. :P Thanks for reading, D.Nambiar.

      Delete
  28. Girl, you have officially outdone ...yourself! With the post, I mean! Though I am itching to write a "post" in response to the invisible query that is lurking between those wonderfully penned lines, as promised, I will suppress that urge and tell you in concise fashion. It's an amazing post. And of all the bloggers I know (a few hundreds maybe), only you could have "woven" it so well, to keep us "hooked" :P. You, my dear, are a legend. And I'm glad to have made your acquaintance :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love your puns. You seem like a well-shopped-with man, Sid. :P
      Glad for the acquaintance too! :)

      Delete
  29. LOL @ for marriage purpose!! I have always wondered at actually who buys such outrageous textures, colours and patterns :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *hiding under the table and squeaking to sound believable* - Not me, Shilpa. :D

      Delete
  30. You're at it again, Sakshi! Now what would you do if you went to a lingerie store in Hyderabad and had to deal with men at the counter! So embarrassing, I tell you! Thank God, they didn't inquire as to the purpose. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh Corinne, if there is anyone who could deal with such a situation with elegance and wit combined, it is you! Well, I hope they do, soon. What a post-shopping post your pen would produce. ;)
      Thanks!

      Delete
  31. *Chuckles all along*.. Done something like this for my friend's 'marriage purpose' recently..And pink I went too.. Who else than you can talk about this so cleanly ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I'm the 'cheapster' around looking for reasons to make people smile. ;)
      Thanks a lot for reading, Jyotsna.

      Delete
  32. Amazing post.......at least buying lingerie in a mall now, is not as awkward as asking a male salesperson in a shop.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. I find he experience quite enjoyable actually. Thanks for reading, Pooja. :)

      Delete
  33. There was a time when I would look the other way as my mom picked my lingerie after having been scrutinized by her as well as the lady at the counter. It's vestiges have stayed to this date, when I squirm inside as the cheery sales attendant helps me to pick my lot. Looking at the price tags of the ones in the malls, I wonder, shouldn't they be worn over the regular clothings! A very 'tastefully' done post Sakshi!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha, thumbs up, Ilakshee, for the 'shouldn't they be worn over the regular clothing'. I agree. What super women we will all feel. And look! :D
      Thanks for liking it! :)

      Delete
  34. This post has been selected for the Spicy Saturday Picks this week. Thank You for an amazing post! Cheers! Keep Blogging :)

    ReplyDelete
  35. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Too F**king good... No, there is no sexual innuendo here ;)

    ReplyDelete
  37. Interesting read it was definitely!! a touch of pun and fun :P and it made me wonder ,what thoughts people have about lingerie in other far away of near by countries?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like 'pun and fun', as you put it. :D
      Yes, an interesting cross-cultural reading of minds that would make.
      Thanks for stopping by, Priya. :)

      Delete
  38. Tmhare face ko black paint se paint karne vaale ka mooh kaala :D
    Am sure no one will do that. this is such a fun post and I was asked the same when IWent to a huge lingerie shop if it was for a special purpose. I giggled more than the sales girl. Purposes of lingerie I tell ya :P LOL
    I will not make "linger-eer now :P
    Have fun and hav a grt trip
    Afshan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'Special Purpose' also sounds good, no? ;) It's like there is an AIM to wearing a basic piece of clothing,
      Thanks for stopping by, Afshan. :)

      Delete
  39. Nice one, Sakshi. :) Lingerie is so superfluous. Why does the world need lingerie? Lingerie are so decadent that I don't women in them at all. And why can't Lingerie be pronounced lingery instead of lawnzeree?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. With you, Spunky. I wonder too why the world needs to fuss over these pieces of clothing which either don't show or don't have time enough to be seen. :P As for the pronunciation, I do think your suggestion is already in place. :D

      Delete
  40. I had been to the shop to buy some of the 'normal ones' and the salesgirl was like, " Ma'm if you are getting married, we have 'special stuff' for you " :D :D and I was left wondering what can be so special about it... But once I reached Dubai, all notions went for a toss :D The normal and 'abnormal' ones displayed in the malls are a sight to behold :D :D :D

    A 'lingerie'ing' post, Sakshi ! OOps.... of course, lingering !! :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dubai? You write from Dubai? Then, Sreeja, if you ever choose to write a similar article, mine will lose out on the glitter hands down! :D
      Thanks a lot for reading!

      Delete
  41. Very nice blog about lingerie. Bought a lingerie at the Soma Intimates sale this week. I’m amazed at the quality.

    Chico's
    Women's Designer Fashion and Clothing

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah! Will try that for sure. Thanks a lot for stopping by, Susan. :)

      Delete
  42. You have ruined lingerie shopping for me for a couple of lifetimes. This made me laugh a lot but the line that took the cake was this, "Those metal tacks could scratch my washing machine!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have I? Oh dear, if anything, my intention was to arouse more curiosity to do with lingerie shopping. Sigh! Will think of another post which should help matters here. :D
      Thanks a lot for reading! :D

      Delete
  43. Too good Sakshi...what else can I say? Everything else has already been said :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! Your saying that alone makes me very happy too. :)

      Delete
  44. very yummy post ;-) loved this line in particular........."" go … err … have a cup, of tea"". the comma here says it all... haha..
    very brave of you to write this one!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'Yummy' is a wonderful word for this post. I wonder why I did not use it? Hehe, happy you notice the play of commas.:D
      Brave, yes. I wore bullet proof ..err ... vest as I wrote this. :D

      Delete
  45. 'bullet proof vest'=rhinestone bra??? or was it =metal bustier??? ROFL Aye, those things do look kinda bulletproof, haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHA! See? This is why I wrote this post. To read such witty comments early in the morning and start the day on a good note. :D
      Happy Sunday, Rakhee.

      Delete
  46. haha loved this post. Thank God, we don't have to choose between black, white, and SKIN(??!) colour anymore.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehe. That skin colour I hate. Arrey, when we have spent money why camouflage it? :D
      Thanks for reading, Zinal!

      Delete
  47. good one! My all time best experience in this, has been the sight of a cuddly teddy printed on a maternity one!!
    Takes the "joy of feeding" to a new level!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw. You know, I'm writing a complaint letter to my lingerie shop for not giving me that in my days of nursing. Sigh! Sounds so cute.

      Delete
  48. Omg!! What a laughter riot it was:-D:-D great post, u r such an unconventional and creative person
    Kudos 2 u

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. :D Thanks for reading this old post, Juhi. I like what you say about me. :D

      Delete
  49. Hahah you didn't mention when we say no 'for daily / regular purpose' how the sales girl purse her lips and roll her eyes up since she has 'not so rich' bride but older wife in front of her who know it all and done it all hehe. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He he he. Know it all and done it all sounds funny. :D
      Thanks for reading, Mamma.

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...