Thursday, 21 November 2013

We Two, Our One




So many are roaming around breathless just now. They just finished talking to me about the Merits of Having Two Children, or more. Truth be told, I am a little breathless myself. For looking for air space to explain my views. Got none, their enthusiasm for me to deliver another child far exceeding my own will to make another bundle. 

But, I am happy. 

Not just because I finally know I can make people breathless, but also because the arguments used for forwarding the idea of having more than one child are something I carry my own answers to. And that, our decision of ‘we two and our one’ is not taken merely because everyone says so or that’s-how-it-is, but because we are the parents who reasoned between ourselves and decided to keep it that way.
And when I look around I realize that in this we are not alone. 

An increasing number of couples are opting for a single child. Reasons are aplenty ...

[To read more, please click here]





35 comments:

  1. Going off to read..

    waise.. how many ever children (if at all) a couple chooses to have, it is their own prerogative. Pity others can't keep their nose out of it

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  2. Sakshi - Being an only child, I relate more to this post of yours than any other. The perception is far from true - about being spoiled, selfish, a loner...whatever and whatever nots:). Not to say that I'm not any of those things-that's for people who know me to decide. I've often wondered how it would be to have a sibling, elder or younger, did not matter. At the end of the day, it comes down to one and only one thing - Parenting; And if you and A choose to go down that route, you seem to have everything planned. And personally speaking, being the single child has possibly helped me develop my biggest trait - Creativity; Even as a child, I used to write, and I used to imagine scenarios in my head. Crazy as it might sound, I've had lots of fun making up conversations and playing with my imaginary friends. Maybe that's why I have a penchant for fiction :). Ok, that's enough of my solitary childhood. Never ever feel guilty is all I can say - N will appreciate all the attention and love that you both have to give :) But hey, that's just one side of the coin. After all a best friend is a close substitute for a sibling, in a variety of ways.

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    1. This is VERY good to know, Sid. You are nothing that this negative stereotyping talks about. In fact, you are quite the contrary actually - warm, friendly and even a great parent. There - I said it. :)
      Yes, A and I have it all planned. But you know, practicals is something I was never good at in my class 12 PCB. I sure hope these ones will not require me to identify the salt by the colour or find the point of parallax. :D Of course, agreeing with your spouse and putting an 'agenda' on paper does help.
      Interesting idea - of imaginary friends. I grew up in a house teeming with children. I do hope his creativity develops just like yours. I admire your writings, and I am happy to know their source now.
      Thanks a lot for sharing your experience, Sid.

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  3. Sakshi, I loved reading your perspective on it. And, I can't help but share the link of my own post about second child on this. Of course, the unsolicited advice continues unabated no matter what you do. But finally, it is a call that a husband and wife must make and no one else. Here is the link. Incidentally, I had penned that post for Parentous as well:
    http://www.parentous.com/2013/02/18/birth-of-a-second-child-sibling-love/

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    1. Thank you, Rachna. There are very few people who I consider wise. And even fewer who carry the power to convince me on this topic - to have another child. I put you in both the categories, and will read your link knowing already that you will make the utmost sense. And that, for all we know, I will get converted. :D

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    2. Arre nahin, not at all :). It is tough raising two kids. I just wanted to share my take on this topic. This is a decision that has to be taken by husband and wife and no one else :). Thank you for your loving words. I seriously think that my ceiling fan is in serious danger of falling down :).

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  4. As you say, this decision is yours. We all make our own choices according to our circumstances. Not all decisions are right or wrong. Life lives in grey.
    We opted for a single child according to our circumstances at that time. Time flew and soon, it was too late. Honestly, now that our son is away, we miss having a second child. Especially a daughter. Elderly women still ask me," doosra hua nahi, ya doosra Kiya nahin?"
    This post packs a lot of wisdom. I am sure you know what is best for you. Loved it.

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    1. Circumstances play their part more than free will does. What feels 'right' today, is what is 'right'. We will deal with tomorrow when it arrives. I am already thinking to responses to the elderly asking me similar questions as they asked you. :)
      I packed the post not with the 'why single' but with 'my plan'. Tall words, but feels good to have a plan.
      Thanks a lot for your words, Alka.

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  5. Lovely post again, Sakshi! And definitely it has to be a decision involving only the two of you. Parents themselves can act as sibling with the amount of time well spent with the child. And like for anything, there are no hardcore rules for parenting I feel. One, Two, Three or more, it doesn't matter. What matters is the way you help the child grow up, the values that you imbibe in him/her, the way you handle his needs and his requests. People, society and their mindset can be left unheard. After all, 'kuch to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna...'

    As much as I have read you, you are one lovely mother little N could have had and I believe the father too would be one best one that he could have had. Go on and build your dream home of 'We Two and Our One'. :-)

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    1. A nice thought there, Rekha, that parents themselves can act as siblings by spending their time well. Surely, no rules for parenting. Doing our best, knowing the worst and keeping it full of love is what is needed.

      Thanks a lot, Rekha. I am sure when N starts his blog, he will dispel this myth of me being a good mother. :P He will have lots to tell people, just like his mom did! :D

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  6. Lots of great arguments there, Sakshi. I think it's up to every couple to decide what works best for them. I'm one of three children and my husband is an only child - I don't see any difference in our way of thinking, sharing or interacting with people. It's all about how you bring up your child, not about how many you have. And frankly, it's no one else's business, is it? :)

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    1. That is a very reassuring example to have, Corinne. It is indeed all about how we bring them up. And yes, no one else's business at all. Right! :)

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  7. This was just such a beautiful post and resonated very much with my thoughts on this subject. At the outset let me point out that I am an only child and my wife is the eldest of three siblings, one sister and one brother, and we therefore thought about it from both perspectives.

    Our decision for stopping at one were based on many reasons, but the overarching one ended up being the economics of it all. Whether we like it or not, it all boils down to how much money the family makes and given today's schooling and ancillary costs, managing to give quality education and a decent quality of life to even one child has become a task by itself. That, and the fact, that at some levels my wife and me realized that we actually had too many 'personal ambitions' outside of work and 'things to do' outside office to be able to accommodate another child in the mix meant that we stopped at one.

    Having said that, your points about thoughtful parenting, reasonable expectations and connecting with other kids was also something that we gave serious thought about. End of day, little R is going to develop a personality of her own, and it is quite possible that she might end up cribbing about the fact that she doesn't have any siblings, but then, the fact remains that we did what was practical for us as parents at this point in time. Period.

    Regarding the arguments for siblings and all the good things they bring along with them, all of them are valid, but as with all parenting advice, my philosophy is 'to each his own' :D

    Loved the post.

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    1. You are an only child too? Why, both Sid and you? Wonderful to know. You both are exactly what the stereotypes do not talk about. c.f. my response to Sid's comment. Hold true for you too. Seriously!
      Economics is SO important. People often say, 'we managed two, you will too'. But the need of the age has changed. And 'quality' anything comes at a price. Also is important parental expectations of themselves - be it in office or as hobbies. We all need to grow together, and one person's repression-of-interests is not a very healthy way. I know what you mean.
      Exactly. 'Right' is what seems that today. We will deal with tomorrow later. Definitions may change, but they will without any regret and hopefully without any cribbing on N's part too. :)
      Thanks a lot for a lovely comment, Jairam. Always appreciate the time you take out to comment.

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  8. I can relate to it totally. Being the only the child I have been dwelling upon it for all my life.

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    1. If you have given it so much thought, you will have figured out a lot of wise ideas by now. Would love to know them, whenever you deem it right. :)
      Thanks for reading, Namrota. :)

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  9. I just stopped by to read your lovely prose. I really don't have an opinion on whether the correct number is zero or fourteen, or something in between.

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    1. Perfect is 11, especially since Tendulkar has retired. :)
      Thanks for reading, Rickie.

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  10. agree with your perspective since we as a couple also believe in one and giving him the best we can afford. society is always nosey so, log to kuch kahenge...staying focussed is sublime!

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    1. Thanks, Ruchira.
      And thank you for stopping by, :)

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  11. I am done with giving reasons for my actions and decisions to all and sundry. Now most of them keep their noses to themselves and I hold on to mine. :) Now going to read the rest of the post. :)

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    1. :D The best we can do. Keeping all the noses in check, including ours. :)

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  12. Sakshi! I'm an beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg fan of your writing! :) Please accept the Liebster Award from my blog! :) Here's how you can go about it...http://parvathyspeaks.blogspot.in/2013/11/my-first-liebster-award.html

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  13. Sakshi Nanda madam

    You are a good mom.Your child is so lucky for having such caring mom.

    Sakshi Nanda madam some of the articles you sharing in your blog are useful to many people about human relationships, emotions, family values, moral values, sentiments etc. and indeed now-a-days people need them.

    Sakshi Nanda madam best wishes for your blogging and also for your personal and career projects.

    Sakshi Nanda madam this is my Diwali message "Lamps of India" which i shared in my Heritage of India blog.

    http://indian-heritage-and-culture.blogspot.in/2013/09/lamps-of-india.html

    Sakshi Nanda madam please look into my Lamps of India message and share your valuable and inspirational comments to me.

    Sakshi Nanda madam i hope you like my blog and join as a member to my Heritage of India blog.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot for stopping by, Dokka. :)

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  14. I have been asked may time, why I have an only child and they do gimme a lot of reasons for having a sibling for her. I do agree with all of that but I just can't see myself as a mother of 2. I wanna provide the best to the one I have already. She's my life. I just can't divide that attention/love/consideration for anyone else, ever.

    Thanks for this post!

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    1. I don't see myself as a mother of two either. You just spoke my mind entirely with your comment. :)
      Thank you, Kajal! :)

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  15. It gets little difficult to handle more than one kid. Who knows better than me :) But I still love them and that's why I am visiting them this Christmas. www.callsantahome.com
    https://www.facebook.com/orderhappiness

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  16. I'm a single child, and I completely agree with what Sid has to say, the creativity part and all that :) To each his/ her own ! Insightful write up :)

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  17. I must say the blog post is just useful for everyone else reading it because the information and knowledge it contains is very important. I like the post! Excellent job! Keep sharing such valuable information through your blogs.

    ReplyDelete

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