Friday, 20 September 2013

Dear Lord, the flowers don't kiss any more!

Dear Lord,

Next time, let me be born in another country.

After a long day of this-and-that, I tune into my home box office and all I see is Harry Potter doing something with his broom. As much as I like Chinese action flicks for gravity-defying deeds and long plaits on men, I fail to understand why I have to watch them 11pm after 11 pm every late night. I know Shrek’s dialogues by heart (all parts) by now. I assure you I can play the theme song of Madagascar on my flute despite being tone-deaf and not knowing how to hold a flute even. And I also think if I were to try, one of the magic spells from Potter’s movies will come true in my very house. Lord, how I wish the same spell could deliver me of all things childish and ‘G’ and make me feel like a grown up ‘A’ woman of 30 watching TV with a grown up man of 32, even as my toddler sleeps. Who, just who is wielding the scissors and chopping away to glory not just important parts of movies but whole movies from my heftily paid movie package? Once upon a time, flowers kissed. Now, even they have been banned from cuddling on screen. I go to bed disappointed with my idiot box. But, of course, with thoughts and Indianness as pure as the IB Ministry would like them to be! 

I wake up the next day and what do I see, my Lord?

Sir Ass-araam lounging on his seat, sharing spiritual gyan, floral head-gears and, was that a wink I just saw? 

[To read more, please click here]

22 comments:

  1. Hahaha! May your wish to be censor be granted :)

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    1. Thank you, my Lord. :D If only I knew all along it was you I was talking to in this post. :) Waiting for my wish to come true, soon. For as I see it, tonight is another animation movies night! :D

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  2. I couldn't stop smiling at the various double standards you have so very nicely pointed out in this particular post.

    Nice bit of writing there...

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  3. Oh dear...is it that bad? Makes me feel relieved that I don't have a TV!
    Unless you are finding everything so tasteless on TV because you don't watch all those daily soaps? All the masala, gyan for life, virtues and values are all imparted by Ekta Kapoor, aren't they?
    Btw, I watched a clip of the new Mahabharata on YouTube the other day. Draupadi looked like a hot Item Girl. I don't think the Censor Board noticed anything unusual there!

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    1. You don't need a TV, really. I wonder why I have mine too. I don't watch those daily soaps. I steer clear of Ekta Kapoor because many years back someone told me I look like her, perhaps to be mean to me or something. :P This 'Mahabharata' you speak about I must watch, however, could not include it here. Both E.Kapoor and Mahabharata are touchy topics with those who survive on the gyan of the former and blessings of the latter. :)

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  4. You churn out brilliant posts like a skilled magician, one after another.
    I wish I could wield some power via scissors and stick. And as Rickie says, the Draupadi promo is an insult to all those who believe in the sanctity of our epics.

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    1. It is your style of writing that mine aspires to be, Alka. And I know I have a long way to go. Nevertheless, THANK YOU for the 'brilliant posts'.

      I will have to watch the newer Draupadi and compare. I have a feeling I will miss the older version immensely! :)

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  5. I am so filled with exasperation that I don't know what to say. Hypocrisy is India's middle name. We dare not watch on TV the open, wholesome and tender expressions of love. But we live day in and day out amidst the corrupted, brutal games being played in the hidden corners of our own house.

    Then we wonder what to go with a whole generation of confused citizenry.

    Dagny

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    1. Rightly said Dagny.

      And then, we will have no qualms about "othering' the "evil" that rests in our own hearts, or find scapegoats for laying the blame/vices on. We are a big bunch of hypocrites and we seem to revel in it.

      Thanks for reading! :)

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  6. Ass-aram indeed! I know what I'd do if I had your scissors. :D Your funny is exhilarating to read. :)

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    1. If only the fear of the censor's scissor wasn't bothering me for my post, I would ave really put mine to good use. Yes, Ass-araam. :D Happy you liked this! :)

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  7. Excellent post Sakshi. I hardly watch TV these days. I love comedy and crime and I get my uncut dose elsewhete. Seriously who are they kidding with their holier-than-thou rules? I have a feeling that somewhete they are trying to uphold some weird outdated moral standards.

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    1. If only their moral standards were fixed entities. As I see it, they change with changing moods. I understand the subjectivity contained within the whole idea of 'moral standard' but then the middle path that has to be reached vis-a-vis movie censorship, for instance, should be a thought out one and not the one the censor board grew up believing.

      Thanks for liking the post, Rachna. :)

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  8. "Assaram with floral head-gears " haha...brilliant and funny write-up Sakshi...loved it ;)

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  9. The hypocrisy is truly mind-boggling!

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  10. Sure is. And very irritating at times! :( Thanks for reading, Roshni. :)

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  11. I loved this post because we share similar emotion. When I look at children's cartoons especially, sometimes i am appalled with the content and keep wondering how does it pass the censor.

    Anyway, thanks!

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    1. Good to know you agree, Kajal. Thank you for reading! :)

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