Friday, 23 August 2013

When Opposites Distract


Once upon a honey-sweet time when you got married, you made a little foot-note in your dear diary how opposites attract. How you and your spouse are made for each other because you complement each other in habits and traits. For instance, one talks too much the other laughs too little, he loves the outdoors she loves her bed, she likes sweet and he loves spicy till his nose runs. In good times the list is what sweet surrender (read adjustment-glossed-over) is made of. But once your tot arrives, the N-pole and the S-pole of the magnet called parenting often become infinitely difficult to make meet or manage, and at such times all magnetism-of-opposites goes flying out the window and opposition takes its place.



You know what I am talking about... 

To read more, please click here.


33 comments:

  1. I was just thinking about this whole opposites attract fiasco. Hubby and I are somewhat like that, and things were so rosy (= stupid n naive) when we were dating.

    Parenting - it's a survival test for our relationship. Especially after the second child, it's been such a huge challenge. And we don't even have studies and exams to worry about yet.

    I hope we can continue to make it work ;)

    Great thought provoking post!

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    1. That is so very true sakshi.. and its lovely post... is that ur kid? he's so adorable.. give my tons of luv to him pls...!!

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    2. Shachi, I am SURE you are 'making it work' just fine. If you planned a second child, you surely are doing better than me. :P Lots of good luck. And thank you for stopping by! :)

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    3. Words N Me, thanks a lot. This 'adorable' brat does belong to me, as do his naughty habits! :P

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  2. Surely I know what you are talking about, there is no magnetic pull, attraction etc, there is a battle ground, where we as parents differ and battle it out. I cant believe the things we argue about sometimes, we have argued about the kind of books my kids should read?(Never looked at the larger picture, they are reading books and all books are good and reading is a great habit).

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    1. I think the 'what books are good' debate will come into my household too, Athenas Take. Actually, it's setting me thinking already! Phew. You are right - battleground it is indeed, whether with the spouse or in the mind! :) Thanks for stopping by!

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  3. I don't know what I did and where did my previous comment go.

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    1. To be 'moderated'. No more Google+ commenting that you witnessed earlier! :)

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  4. Ah! You only agree that you shall disagree behind closed doors and agree to agree in front of your children :)

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    1. There goes my kitchen knife, Suresh. Sigh! Will try better tricks next time than a war of wit with the King of Wit himself! :)

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  5. Makes so much sense to disagree only in the absence of the kids. Else, kids know how to make the most of mommy daddy, or granny mommy disagreements.

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    1. Oh yes, the 'granny-mommy' angle, which oft times is more stressful than the daddy-mommy one. No surprise that kids returning from summer holidays at their grandparents' place are changed beings, and need to be "worked upon" by the parents to return them back to normal. :P Thanks for stopping by, Alka. :)

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  6. Its a valid point. And the great philosopher Schopenhauer tells this as will of life, you can read about it by searching for ''Schopenhauer on Love'' essay. He tells this and it is hard to avoid.

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    1. How wonderful to know that, RAN IN JAN. I will Google it up right away. Thanks for the pointer! :)

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  7. A very pertinent topic Sakshi and in my experience of 4.5 years of being a parent, I agree mostly to it. One thing we never discussed but somehow we always knew was to never contradict each other in front of kids but now he is old enough to understand the looks also, like when Mumma gives Dadda a look [Just a tiny tiny look] for extra candy bought..he would go hug and give a big kiss to dadda and then and there the discussion is over...So the moral of the story is..kids will always learn to outsmart you ;) ;). Beware ;)

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    1. I know what you mean, Sfurti. I think I can sense it happening already. :O That tiny tiny look is getting caught and deconstructed. Beware is indeed the word! (PS - I have a feeling kids out-smarting us will feel good, most of the times at least!) Thanks for reading!

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  8. Ahhh...Sakshi! I'm scared of you. Do you peep into my house? This is so like an everyday, every hour kind of thing. and it's so hard to control yourself from reacting. Loved reading it and you're true that the child knows how to use a particular situation to his/her interest. Please do consider writing a book titled, "Parenting for the Utterly Confused" :-)

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    1. Rekha, not that I would mind peeping into your house. :) In my 2 years of motherhood, if there is anything that I have realised it is this - We are all beset with similar issues as parents. And our minds work around problems in a similar fashion too. We all can really benefit by speaking to like minded parents. Hence, Parentous for me. And the book, if ever, will be titled - 'Parenting - by the Confused and for the Confused.' If, God willing, it ever happens, I will dedicate it to you. :)

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  9. Replies
    1. Was taken many months back, and in a very different context. Sometimes, I look through my albums for new ideas for posts. You would know what I mean, Indrani. Your blog is par excellence when it comes to photos and write-ups combined with such beauty. Thanks for dropping your comment! :)

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  10. our mind is a magnet or made up of magnetic substance. I have evidences to believe this hypothesis.The phase you are now going is temporary only.

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    1. Ah! Ok. :) Thank you for reading, Pradeep. :)

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  11. Each and every point that you've introduced holds really good grounds! As such I don't really have any idea about the whole parenting scenario...but as I deal with kids on a rather day-to-day basis, I can feel that immense sense of understanding from surroundings, that a child possess. They learn along without having the capability to distinguish...that sure creates sufficient troubles later!

    Altercations or differences should be sort out, keeping the younger ones far far away!!!

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    1. "They learn along without having the capability to distinguish" - YES, Kriti. No capability to understand, but great ability to interpret situations in whatever manner they deem best. That surely can be dangerous. And they do not deserve to see altercations! Thanks for your comment! :)

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  12. Sometimes, it is the little things! Off to read!

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  13. In my opinion it is better to have no differences in reality so that you don't need to pretend in front of your kids. But then it is an hypothetical and ideal condition and reality only strives to reach as near to it as possible...

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    1. That's very true. No two people are alike, and difference of opinion in itself is not such a bad thing, since it makes us see both sides to the coin and helps us grow, learn and even un-learn. It's HOW you share this difference of opinion, and especially in front of the child that matters the most to me. Thanks for reading, Jaideep! :)

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  14. Cardinal sin for parents to be disagreeing in front of kids. We try and avoid it as much as possible.

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  15. 'Cardinal sin' is the word, Rachna. Thanks for stopping by. :)

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